But well, I understand it's a stupid excuse. People can go outside and meet new people, and that doesn't have to mean talking to everyone they see, but everyone can learn how to be a little more outgoing.

I find it interesting when people say “many studies” without linking to them or referring to the precise conditions they were carried out in. The study could have simply asked people “are you shy” for example rather than properly test the assumption. This is NOT the same as asking “are you gay”. To be frank, I don't trust people's own opinions of how shy they are. It means nothing. I'd argue that the vast majority of people in such studies would simply claim to be shy without anything more than just a feeling, or could become more social with just a little pressure. Lack of pressure keeps them shy, not genetics, even if genetics contribute to their likeliness of veering towards shyness, it's not a life sentence.

The author can be so confident about this because I was also very introverted before I travelled and learned the error of my ways. There's nothing scientific about your retort. I'm not talking about autism, I'm talking about people that invent excuses and use “genetics” to back up their reasoning to stay indoors.

As an introvert (i.e., “shy” person), I find the empty banter of the overly social to be utterly boring and unengaging, and their habit of claiming psychological superiority despite a complete lack of introspection to be utterly laughable. This has not stopped me from forming strong friendships, traveling the world, and learning three additional languages to the two I grew up with.

How does the author explain the many published and peer-reviewd (and as far as I know completely uncontroversial) studies that have proven mathematically that shyness is 50% genetic – the same as sexual preference, risk taking, and the like?

Seriously, if you must spout opinions that fly in the face of science, try to limit yourself to ones that don't belittle people who happen not to be the same as you.

However, most people who do not have medical reasons are just lazy and can easily change their situation if they really tried. The fact that these people tell me they are “born” that way when they are not, really annoys me because it belittles people with a real issue on their hands like yourself.

Medical conditions are different and most people reading my blog will not be in that situation. They will invent reasons and blame genetics with no medical proof. It's all in their heads. That's not your situation.

Best of luck in your language learning – I hope you meet natives and get lots of practise You don't have to ask for their numbers, but if you find social situations and attend then maybe they'll come to you and say hi

So, although it's true that no-one is born that way, babies do indeed possess an innate capacity—or an innate lack thereof—for shyness, given the “right” envirnoment.

Additionally, many psychological disorders with genetic bases cause social withdrawal (autism, for instance).

Not only you practise your language skills, but also your social skills and you learn more about the culture. I did this when i was in spain and as a pleasant side-note i saw my success-rate with the ladies go up considerably.

Gotta say I love the Irish!! Some of the most amazing and entertaining people I've met yet!

Canadian student feeling the bite from the travel bug.

We all have that opportunity to become someone new when we try out our new language on others… almost like being an actor and playing the part of a very outgoing person who is simply not self conscious and always ready to laugh!

first off: your site is smoldouring. undiluted explosive glory dipped in the tears of a thousand virgins. slick design and slicker content. glorious.

and then to the subject of the post – it's something i feel really really strongly about. i embarked on a quest to learn how to become socially adept (much like your language adventures) and become a social ninja. yeah, did the whole pickup scene and learnt to talk to girls in particular (to the point of dating a miss teen south africa )

…but beyond all that, i can honestly say that it's been the one thing that has made me grow more than all else.

not only the adventures. the glorious adventures…

but also the fact that i really find social interactions to be one of the best barometers of self i've ever seen. it's an immediate reflection of where you're at. i write about personal developmentsy type spirituality remixed stuff (though i dislike the term personal development)… and in that regard, the way you feel when you meet a new person – the subtle micromanagements and feelings of discomfort – it teaches you a lot about yourself.

and the adventures

“Get over it!!” haha. reminds me of something i read at a mate's site yesterday where he was lamenting the fact that people use the expression “Just be yourself”. And yeah, to some extent, it is difficult to implement advice like “Get over it” but hearing it from somebody like you makes it clear how stupid and trivial your hangups around socialising are. there are practical ways to get over it but GET OVER IT

shyness. man. more and more i'm seeing the way you interact with others as a reflection of where you are in your life overall. yeah, fully relate to the way people say they're introverted or shy as some insurmountable “problem” when really it's just the situation they're in and the persona they've built up.

it's def a learned thing. not enough hugs growing up. too many maybe. def learned though. mostly just a result of not being comfortable with who you are.

but at the same time, it's a learned thing to be social. unlearn the shyness and practice being social.

the whole “social dynamics” ala “The Game” and all that can get way too screwed up. being social is simple, as you say. just say hello and ride out those tingly feelings of inadequacy to the point when you realise they're stupid and self created and useless.

realise the triviality of the yuck and realise your perfect undiluted bliss beneath it.
the real you.

awwwsomeness.

really glad to have found your site

keep well and in touch mate.
alex – unleash reality

Agora sabe como eu consegui aprender tão rápido o português do Brasil acho Muita sorte rapaz, vai conseguir mesmo assim Sempre consegue achar coisas importantes, isso é qualidade que gosto em você.

Até mais! (infelizmente não em JES, que já já depois vou pro Brasil…)