Fake It Till You Make It

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Archive note (2010): When I wrote this, I was about a month away from starting the first of several intensive language missions planned for 2011. The next language was unrelated to any I had learned before, but I planned to speak it confidently from day one.

How could I be so confident about speaking a totally new language?

One strategy I used in language learning, and also applied to getting over shyness, building this website, dancing, singing and other projects, was a fake-it-till-you-make-it approach.

A note from the Fluent in 3 Months team before we get started: You can chat away with a native speaker for at least 15 minutes with the “Fluent in 3 Months” method. All it takes is 90 days. Tap this link to find out more.

Self-Produced Confidence

I once met a British woman with beginner Spanish. She couldn’t conjugate many verbs and had a small vocabulary, yet she confidently spoke with me entirely en español for over 20 minutes and even made a few jokes!

Her Spanish was limited, but she went with the flow instead of hesitating over every doubt. Her confidence made the conversation work despite the gaps.

I often meet others with much more knowledge who still don’t speak. Fear, perfectionism and lack of opportunity can all play a part, but taking one small speaking risk can help.

My approach to the next language was going to be like hers. I would learn a little on the flight or during my first days and use it immediately with an air of “I know what I’m doing”. This approach had often worked well for me.

People were often surprised that I had only been in a country for a few days or weeks. It wasn’t because I used obscure vocabulary or got every case ending right. It was because I spoke confidently.

Technically, I guess I have no reason to be confident. I'm just winging it most of the time.

Seriously, I act as though I know what I’m doing when I start speaking a language. I can’t say my level is fantastic, and if I stopped to overthink it, I could come up with a list of excuses for waiting until I’m “ready” or “good enough”.

Instead I tell myself “I'm Benny the Irish polyglot! I know what I'm doing!“

That statement contains no information about my language level, but adopting a confident posture helps me act. The more I practise speaking, the more real confidence I earn.

Act As If, and It Can Become More Natural

This technique has helped me, and I wish more people would try it.

In research at Wake Forest University, for example, a group of 50 students were asked to act more extroverted for 15 minutes in a group discussion, even if they didn’t feel like it. During the exercise, more assertive and energetic behaviour was associated with feeling happier.

Yes, this can mean trying something that initially feels hard or unnatural. Repetition can make the behaviour more familiar.

Positive and negative feedback loops can both shape our behaviour. When you set your filter to notice every reason you can’t do something, action becomes harder. Sometimes the obstacle is real; sometimes repeatedly rehearsing the excuse makes it stronger.

This can also work the other way. Notice evidence of progress while still paying attention to useful feedback, and you’re more likely to keep going.

That year, only one person told me that my language level was not good enough for him to listen to. Reactions like that were rare; most people responded to my confidence and willingness to keep the conversation moving.

I treated that as one person’s rude opinion rather than thinking, “Oh gosh, he’s right! I should stop speaking the language and abandon this project!” I didn’t back down or give up.

Didn't You Hear? I'm the Popular Guy!

People often ask how I make friends while travelling, and this technique has helped. For example, I once went to a Couchsurfing party where I didn't know a single person.

Most people in such a situation might humbly introduce themselves to someone at the edge and tone down their personality until they got to know people better. That's fine, but I have a different approach.

I act as though everyone should know me. I pretend I’m the life of the party rather than the new outsider. Instead of a humble introduction, my first words to the group were a loud and proud, “Don't worry, everyone, I'm here! The party can start now!” A stranger would not normally say this, so some of the group presumed I knew the others.

When I introduce myself, I may be saying “My name is Benny…”, but I use humour and warm, open non-verbal cues. They communicate alongside the words and make it easier for me to connect.

Acting confident isn't just for my own benefit. An easy manner can help other people relax and respond as though I belong in the conversation.

When they see me speaking a language so comfortably, that drowns out the mistakes.

If you’re thinking, “I’d never put up with someone making so many mistakes in a language,” remember the context of a friendly social interaction. Confidence and warmth can matter more to the connection than perfect noun-gender agreement.

Whatever Your Goal Is, Act As Though It’s Possible

My approach is to act from the start as though my goal is possible. Then I follow the path most likely to lead towards it.

When I start a language mission, I decide from day one that I’m going to work towards success. That isn’t a guarantee, but the commitment helps me keep choosing useful actions instead of rehearsing every doubt.

If I want to make new friends, I go out expecting that I can laugh with and get to know interesting people. That expectation makes it easier to introduce myself.

Negative expectations can influence our behaviour, so I try to put positive ones to work instead 😉

If you’d like structure and accountability for putting this approach into practice, learn more about the Fi3M Bootcamp.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” This line is often attributed to Henry Ford.