Looking for signs: understanding foreign body language

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Explanations of body language and gestures are one of the many many things you won't find in grammar books and typical courses. And it's something you'll never pick up from audio-based passive learning.

Some non-verbal cues are broadly shared, but gesture meanings can vary by region, community and context. Missing those differences can lead to misunderstandings.

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Is the nightclub separating the thumb from fingers??

This important aspect of communication has been clear to me many times during my travels. For example, during my Brazilian mission to speak like a Carioca, things were going well in my accent reduction attempts, but one night I was in a nightclub looking out the window and a man was trying to communicate with me. Since it was too loud to shout, he tried to sign something to me – with his arm up he separated his thumb from his fingers repeatedly. To him it was pretty obvious what he was trying to say.

Unfortunately I couldn't answer his question – only later when I asked a friend inside what it meant did she tell me that, in this context, it meant cheio, or “full”. I had not known that gesture before. He wanted to know if the nightclub was full or not.

Philippine gestures

Of course, I'm finding quite a few of these unique gestures here in the Philippines! You can see me demonstrate a couple of these in the video below:

Those shown in the video include pointing with your lips (rather than your finger) and the “menu please” and “check/bill please” signs used in restaurants, completely different to anywhere else I've lived in.

Pointing with your lips (rather than your fingers) is something I've seen in other cultures, including Colombia. The first time I was exposed to this it was very confusing, as it doesn't seem natural to me to indicate something with lips (I can visualise a line coming from a finger to the target a lot easier than from lips!) but in some contexts, pointing with a finger can be rude.

Another gesture I encountered in the Philippines was a way of asking someone to come over. They put out their arm with their palm facing down and “scoot” their fingers towards them. Since I am used to the palm facing up if someone is beckoning me towards them, I got confused about this a lot and thought they wanted me to move away.

And of course the feeling involved with the “scoot”/”go away” gesture could create a lot of confusion since it's disrespectful in some cultures. Understanding what this really means in its correct context will help you understand what is going on, well beyond studying vocabulary lists ever could.

The importance of actively learning such non-verbal communication

There are so many aspects of communication that are almost never covered in typical books. So much time in Latin cultures has meant that now if I hurt myself, I say “¡ay!” rather than “ouch!/ow!” – this isn't because I am translating it in my head, or for someone else's benefit; it's from pure exposure to the extent where it becomes natural.

It's the same with body language. Even if you do find a book that somehow lists all of the most frequent different signs – it may help you recognise them, while seeing them in context can make them easier to understand and use appropriately.

That is why I encourage learners to spend time communicating directly with people instead of postponing every interaction until a distant “ready” day. I had often used books, courses and software as a way to delay using the language.

It's busy-work. You may not be speaking with someone but “at least” you have learned all the preposition+verb combinations or clicked a hell of a lot of pictures on your computer screen.

Reading about the lip-pointing or downward-palm beckoning would have been interesting, but seeing them in context made them memorable for me. It also helped me understand them more quickly. Of course, I don't need to be in the Philippines to do this – just hanging out with Filipinos elsewhere would expose me to such things.

Check it out and then use it!

Since natives usually can't simply give you a list of their various body language differences, you'd be surprised to see what you can find online for free. Simply doing a YouTube search for “[Language name] hand gestures” or “… body language” or “… signs” will show you a crucial aspect of communication in your target language you may not have considered yet.

You'll likely get even more results if you do that search in the target language. So many natives have made very helpful videos, but (as would be natural to them) they write the name of the video in their language.

But rather than just watch the video and think “that's nice!” – please go meet a speaker and practise those signs! Or better yet, learn from them! I've learned pretty much all my body language from seeing it used in context, or simply asking what it means when I see it and it isn't clear.

When I hang out with people from various cultures, I get told again and again that they feel like they are talking with someone from their home country and I have no problem making friends with them. Even the friendliest expats I know still feel disconnected and need to hang out with those from the same culture as them when abroad because they just can't seem to click with natives.

Body language and an understanding of social cues help me connect, even when my grammar or accent is imperfect.

Books might talk about these, and perhaps you'll recognise some of them when observing passively. Applying them in context helped me learn more than observation alone.

So please, search social networks, find tourists or do whatever it takes to get some time with someone who uses your target language and don't forget that communication isn't just about the words that come out of your mouth!