If you ask someone the question “Are you closed minded?” the answer will almost certainly be a no. I don’t think anyone in the world sees themselves as closed minded. They are always sceptical or simply convinced that the other guy is wrong.
The description closed minded is one we tend to reserve for someone else. I’m tempted to mention some people I think personify this description perfectly, but using a blog as a platform to be negative about things one doesn’t like has already been done to death.
Of course, I like to put a positive spin on things, so I’m going to give you an example by exposing my own realisation that despite being exposed to so many people and cultures, I have been carrying a closed-mindedness about something important that I have finally been able to let go of: my bad blood with the Parisians.
9 months in Paris
Back in 2005, I was ready to take on French for the first time, so since I prefer cities it just seemed logical to move to Paris to do this.
I had only been on the road for a year and a half back then so I was still quite bright eyed and had dreams of meeting my own Amélie Poulain, running into amazing new people every day in la ville lumière, and speaking flawless French in a short matter of months.
To say that I was disappointed wouldn’t do what I felt justice – despite trying hard to get along, I found the Parisians arrogant, unfriendly, rude and plain old mean. I really dislike promoting stereotypes (the hundreds or thousands of times I’ve heard “You’re Irish and you don’t drink??” has never seemed to lessen how annoying it is), and I really tried to see their good side, but after 9 months, I had given up.
It’s the only place I’ve ever lived in, where my attempts to speak the language were met with disgusted grimaces and where I never received any form of encouragement from locals. I would dream of the day when a Parisian would call my French pas mal.
Despite all that, I stayed committed for the entire 9 months and did finally start speaking French. Things improved hugely when I moved down south to Toulouse (so I actually liked the French in general quite a lot), and some time later to Quebec, but in the earlier stages it was one of the hardest languages I’ve learned – not because of grammar, exceptions or any of that (which all languages have), but simply because the Parisians were extremely unhelpful and discouraging.
My newfound devotion to not speaking English had backfired (luckily that’s the only place it’s ever happened) because it basically meant that I had little options to socialise at all; there were plenty of English speakers around, but I was committed to speaking French no matter what. (Of course, there were actually plenty of options right under my nose; I should have just hung out with other learners, but I was still a long way off improving my learning and socialising methods back then). Since I hadn’t really figured out yet how to practise a language away from its home country, I was also quickly losing my Spanish and Italian.
After work, I tended to just retreat back home and watch TV or study, which wasn’t helping much. My long-term goal to be a polyglot was seeming more and more impossible and the experience was a lonely and frustrating time for me. Paris is not a time I look back on nostalgically.
5 years of stubbornness
And this is where the closed-mindedness comes in. I had 9 months of “proof” in terms of my memories, that Paris was hell on earth and Parisians were the devil’s minions. And I was not shy to tell anyone who would (or wouldn’t) care to hear it.
Of course, people would argue. Plenty of people love Paris and would tell me how nice Parisians were. This made no difference to my convictions.
I could argue away their case with any twists of logic I could find. If it was a pretty girl, then a sexist comment about how that’s why she was treated nice would come up. If it was someone on a language programme, then it was because the Parisians were paid to be nice to them and endure their French. And of course if someone was there as a tourist or for a few months mostly speaking English, then it’s because they simply weren’t immersed enough to see the real truth.
I would dismiss the counter-proofs as irrelevant and embrace anyone else with a similar opinion to be flawnted as my comrade against evil. It’s something I’ve seen time and again from narrow minded people, but I was blind how to how I was doing the very same myself.
This opinion may have continued with me if it wasn’t for this blog and a general quest to try to rid my life of unnecessary negativity.
Being public about these missions and suggesting unconventional language hacks has lead to disagreements and arguments with people. I was initially surprised about this, but I should have expected it; if you challenge anyone’s long held beliefs that they have never questioned before, you are going to hear all about it.
When someone has such a long-term investment of years in a belief (languages take decades to learn, only the rich can travel, luck governs all, or in my case Parisians are aresholes), then they will passionately defend that belief, no matter what the benefits to being a little open minded may be.
Starting with a clean slate and opening your mind
Since my French has gradually and continually improved despite not being in France/Quebec any more, especially through hosting Couchsurfers, I’ve had the pleasure to meet some really nice Parisians. I had continued to mark them as the exceptions, since as travellers they were “bound to be” more open minded.
But in Bangkok, I realised that I had been carrying this weight for too long. It was time to get over myself and have an open mind about my opinion even if I “knew” it was true. I resolved to spend 3 days in Paris with the mission to leave with a positive impression of Parisians.
I actually succeeded within hours.
All it took was to really try and to challenge my own opinions and expectations. In those first 9 months I was waiting for them to prove themselves to me, and I never really analysed why they were treating me like that. “They’re shitheads” is an easy dismissive response of course, but it’s simply not true. Let me tell you the experience that changed it for me:
I had just arrived from a 13 hour flight from Bangkok at 6am with no sleep. Usually I tend to sleep at Couchsurfers’ houses, but I wanted to my own space this time and to just chill out by myself for a few days before going home. So I had booked the absolute cheapest hotel I could find (€35/night for an unimpressive roof over your head; far from the luxury I was getting in Thailand), but I was pleased to see when reserving that it also came with in-room wifi.
So when I got there, I really just wanted to check my e-mails and then collapse. After checking in, I asked for the wifi password and the receptionist said that the wifi is down, has been for weeks and won’t be repaired until the end of the month. I needed to check work e-mails, I didn’t need this problem in my exhausted state; I said that it’s false advertising and he shrugged and said (in French) that frankly, it wasn’t his problem.
Then it happened – I realised at that very second how I was reacting over my entire 9 month period. I was constantly fighting with Parisians and judging them by my standards of how people should act. In Ireland or other countries, a hotel (even a cheap hotel) receptionist just wouldn’t say that. “The customer is always right”, and if something isn’t perfect then it’s the business’s problem to solve it.
Look at it from their perspective
But I wasn’t in Ireland or Brazil or Thailand anymore. Also, hanging out with French people way more outside of France (ironically) than in it, meant that I had gained that glimpse into the culture that I hadn’t in those 9 months.
Although I still have lots to learn about French culture, the way I see it (sorry for more stereotypes!), the worker is given more respect in France than in some other countries, which alternatively focus more on the customer. Workers in France have quite a lot of rights and laws favour them more. Whether this is good or bad is irrelevant because that’s the way it is. Judging the Parisians by my rules meant that they were going to bite back. I was doing this with workers and with potential friends.
We love blaming our problems on others. The fact that I had experienced an isolated 9 months wasn’t their fault, as I had maintained; it was mine for dismissing the “negative” aspects I didn’t like. I should have been learning from these differences, but I was too stubborn to acknowledge such a possibility.
So this time I took a different appraoch. Even though I was tired and actually did need to check e-mails, I simply changed the subject and tried to relate to the receptionist. I told him about when I worked as a youth hostel receptionist in Rome and how I hated it when I got blamed for things that were out of my control, so I understand there’s nothing he can do. I tried to get on his side and said that he probably gets a lot of arrogant and angry foreign guests at the hotel blaming him for things that aren’t his fault.
He suddenly became way more friendly and we chatted for a few minutes. Using a few other tricks that I’ve learned from more exposure to the French, you know what? I actually got a wifi password! Ridiculous, but there was a “staff only version” that he gave me for being nice. No amount of complaining or threatening to talk to the manager etc. would ever have gotten me that. That’s just not how things work there.
After a rest, I went out and had a pleasant conversation with pretty much everyone I met for the rest of my stay, both worker and random young person. Changing my filter from just seeing the negative to starting to see the positive, actually gave me a positive experience in the end. If only I had realised this sooner, I wouldn’t have been carrying around this unnecessary baggage for so long.
On my last morning, I was getting breakfast before going to the airport and chatting to the guy at the boulangerie. Just before I left he actually congratulated me on my level of French; I’m already confident about my level of French and in other parts of France and in Montréal I had been complimented before, but this was coming from a Parisian. That’s well beyond the pas mal that I had always dreamed of, and all it took was to see things from the other person’s perspective.
So, what are you closed minded about?
The whole point of sharing this story is to try to get people to step outside themself and see if any negative feelings you have towards something or someone could be resolved by simply trying to see the other point of view? Seriously, think about it for a minute. What do you really hate, or passionately disagree with? We don’t have to abandon everything we know to be true, but some “truths” do us more harm than good. Even basic things can be challenged if you really ponder over them.
It seems so obvious, but even the most intelligent people can’t see past their own egos and admit when they’ve made a mistake. Is saving face really more important than making peace? I genuinely thought that I would never make peace with Parisians, but being open minded about being closed minded has almost instantaneously neutralised a major negative aspect of my life.
If you’ve had a similar experience with Parisians, or if you changed your mind about something after years of maintaining what you knew then share it with us in the comments 
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I found this problem once I left the comfort of the UK. It seems that in the UK, the attitude is that the customer is always correct and that a customer's rights exceeds that of the employees. For example, if I stay in a hotel in England and I didn't like my night's sleep, I can argue and get my money back.
Having been brought up with this attitude, I was in for a culture shock once I left. e.g. Ordering a pizza to be delivered and then being told there is no driver for an hour, lump it or leave it. Or when complaining in a shop that nobody will help you, and then being told that if you don't like it then go away.
I've since learnt just to look at it from their point of view, as I have been quite rightly told “I just work here, what can I do”.
I can also relate to the Parisians. I know a little French and I have visited Paris a few times, however whenever I speak I either get a funny look or I can get answered immediately in English. I never had this problem in other parts of France and in Switzerland. This isn't just limited to French though, I've found it everywhere where there are a lot of tourists, I'm under the impression that if you want the total immersion needed to learn a language quickly, you need to keep out of the capital cities and resort to the less touristy areas. I found that people will be much more interested in you when you speak their language and you will have no shortage or people to practice with (If you're lucky, they won't even speak English).
le parisien, il vaut mieux l'avoir en journal
http://www.divertissonsnous.com/2007/12/06/le-p...
Thanks Tony – I haven't quite found this in other touristy cities myself. It's hard to prove yourself in places like Paris more because they have very high standards for what it means to speak French; the English are exactly the same to be frank. This expectation doesn't exist in other (even major touristy) cities, so speaking in their language will be received with appreciation.
Glad other people have seen this English-speaking obsession with blaming the worker so much. It's good of course for the customer, but sometimes we need to see the human aspect of things.
mdr !!
Wise words. Me as a German I also find myself struggling to accept foreign standards in the service industries. Thanks for the reminding to keep my mind open…
It might be worth considering, also, that perhaps people immediately respond in English because they recognize from your accent (or grammatical errors) that you are an English-speaker, and the opportunity for them to practice their English trumps your attempt to speak their language?
Benny, this is my favorite post from you. It perfectly illustrates the importance of keeping an open mind and a positive attitude.
Wonderful post! I lived in Taiwan for six years and saw many foreigners lecture cashiers on “proper cashier behaviour” and other such non-sensical ideas. They were always convinced that they were being disrespected or looked down upon because they were foreigners. If the Taiwanese had negative feelings towards these people it was because the foreigners were the ones being rude, especially when they lectured shop clerks as if they were misbehaving children.
Maybe because I had this experience, I had no problems in Paris. I went to Paris to celebrate my 40th birthday. I'd studied French in high school and at various times had to demonstrate a reading knowledge of it for graduate school, BUT I'd never had to speak French before. Needless to say my spoken French was filled with grammatical errors but no one corrected me and no one switched to English. I found Parisians delightful–the shop clerk in the Louvre who called another bookstore across town just to see if they had a copy of a book I wanted, the teashop owner whom I chatted to about his years in China who then refused to let me pay for my lunch; the security guard at the museum who opened up closed sections of the museum just so I could see them. The list goes on. I'm not sure why my experience was different–I wasn't in a lanaguage program, nor am I a pretty young woman–I'm a paunchy middle-aged guy speaking French for my first time–perhaps it was because I took an interest in the places and people I was around.
I once visited Japan in 2003, I was only there a week though so I only got the tourist aspect of things. The people were nice, the cities were clean, and the people liked that I was studying Japanese. I was in Japanese 2 in high school at the time, but I tried to use any words I knew. I think I was the only one on the trip that asked for directions and prices of things, etc. Nobody spoke English to me(except an exchange student from Taiwan I met at a Japanese high school), so I had plenty of chances to practice speaking. Now that I think about it a lot happen in that 7 days, I hope to go back again, hopefully next year, and stay for longer than a week.
Benny, this is one of my favorite posts on your blog so far. I think dealing with the French in gernal is such and interesting issue, and its so cool to see how you can re-frame your whole experience.
Please excuse a zero reference cultural opinion, but way back in my past when I was studying French philosophy I was exposed to some some interesting theories on the French, if anyone is interested I'm sure they can track them down and analyze– the thesis goes generally that we “eurpoeans/westerners” expect the French to be easy to relate to and more compassionate to our approach because they look like us, whereas they have a historical genealogy that separates them from other Europeans more than their looks would s suggest. Interesting ideas! Not sure if true, thought I'd put it out there. Always enjoyed the matter-of-factness of the French.
Customer service is pretty non-existent in France compared to the Anglophone world. And it is true that French workers are treated better (healthcare for all! 5 weeks of vacations!) so the customer doesn't quite have to be “king” as the saying goes in French because they are not completely dependent on commission or tips like in US. They won't put in the extra effort to help you unless you give them something in return (like commiserating about being a receptionist).
It's a classic part of le système-D (débrouillard) that foreigners need to master before they can get anything done in France. You always have to make it seem like they would be doing you a huge favor in order for them to help you out – and of course, they'll respond that normally, they wouldn't do this for anyone, but… it may seem like ass-kissing to get what you want, but it's really just the give and take of business transactions here.
I understand why people have those stereotypes about French people, but when you look at the other end of it, i.e. that Americans are “fake” nice to everyone because they just want your tips, it gets easier to see that it's just a different perception of how things work. Neither are right or wrong; they're just different. And if you've only been exposed to one, of course the other will seem “wrong.”
Even after reading books on French culture before moving to France, it still took me a few years to really get used to the système here and how everything works. There's no substitute for experience in the country itself, which is exactly why people need to travel more!
You just made me think of (tangentially related) quote I wanted to share:
“Some people are so convinced that everyone has the right to believe what they want, they argue with people who believe the opposite.”
Great post, by the way!
You don't know people that consider themselves as close minded ? Well, then you don't know me … my friend
Okay, I admit. I don't regard myself as completely close minded. When it comes to things I do on my very own I would call my self rather open minded. (I like discovering musical genres I haven't heard of before, cooking new recipes, learning a new language (right now unfortunately purely input based *sigh*), read about unknown subjects, varying the way I do household chores… you name it!). Although I like the idea of meeting new people and learning one or two things from them I am way too often not exposing myself to new situations in this domain. I am afraid that I have to declare myself guilty of closed-mindedness in this case.
As far as your post is concerned, this is another very strong one. It made me realise that acting the way people would like you to act doesn't necessary mean that you are merely superficial in order to be popular by hiding your own nature. Acting the way people would like you to behave is also an attribute of being open. I also appreciated that this post is about the Frenchmen as I am learning French right now and hope to spend (hopefully during summer break) some weeks over there. I hope there is more to come on this topic!
I absolutely love your blog. Unlike most other blogs you seem to illuminate a good deal more different interesting aspects of your subjects. I feel that most blogers paraphrase themselves over and over again just to finally sell something that includes the same (worthless & superficial) “information”.
Please keep up your spirit
btw: thank you for recommending Wisemans “The Luck Factor”. I found out that there is a free abridged version. You can download it here: http://www.theluckfactor.com/docs/ebooklet.pdf
The funny thing is that the conclusion he provides are exactly what I have figured out on my own by analysing people I find charming. But I was quite stupid as I didn't adapt to the things I found out as there was no proof that my way of thinking would be right. But now that I know it is (somewhat) scientifically approved I am at least developing a little more towards that direction / being more positive. But unfortunately, this book also made me realise that I build way too much on science … a lot more then I was concious about it. Again, I guess I am closed-minded …
Well to be honest I'm a little relieved that I'll be spending the next 3 months in Germany – there are none of these games I need to play there
Thanks Randy!
Thanks Dan! Glad you liked it!
It's interesting that reading Mark Twain and so on still echoes views of modern France, so it might just be a timeless enigma within Europe!
Thanks for the comment! I actually read books telling me all about the système D before moving to France, but like with most self-help type books, I kind of just nodded, thought it was clever and never actually applied it! Sometimes you really have to live these things to truly understand them. So much more exposure to the French over the last 5 years opened my eyes up to this.
Haha, he was indeed following the script! He said “I normally don't do this, but…”
I think Ireland is in the middle because I found American cheesy smiles and the need for tipping quite annoying, but you say it best. The one you haven't been exposed to will be “wrong”.
This is precisely why I encourage people to get out of their shell, travel and speak with human beings. Knowing all the vocabulary, grammar, exceptions and so on, still don't prepare you for actual life in the country. My narrow-mindedness about this in Paris haunted me for years until I came to terms with that.
It's why I try to “blend in” in missions that I go beyond fluency; emulating body language and accent isn't enough. You need to understand how the locals think, and to me that is as way more important than any grammar rule ever can be.
Whereabout in Germany ?
Berlin
More details on http://fb.me/fluentin3months and then I'll blog it just before going
Thanks for the closed-minded confession! You certainly don't come across as even slightly closed minded in the comment though…
Benny, what an impressively self-scrutinizing and candid post and experience. It was one of the things I remembered most about you from the Bangkok meet-up, how vehemently you spoke out against the Parisiens and thoroughly trounced all over that poor girl's upcoming date (for which she was about to leave in the next few minutes
). I've no doubt this post and your experience will stay in my mind as clearly and deeply rooted as that one; thanks…I carry no anger or prejudices at the moment, but you may have just saved me much future anger. I am glad you were able to turn your perception and thus your experiences around. I'm sure it's a much lighter load to bear now. Leaves more room for your dragging so much of your physical crap around with you in trench coat pockets? 
That's the other thing I took from our short time in proximity at the meet-up. Lol still workin on that one…you got any posts about it on here?
Actually I spoke out against Parisians that night, so I could get a date with her… and I did
Yes, in fact I think next week I might be ready to show the video of me packing 40kg into my no-frills flight
lol that's funny about the date…and kinda messed up.
Enjoyed the post, anyway!
Comgrats! Way to take the high road and bring something positive to the table. I love the French and I agree they can be very rude, but thats also what I like about them. They have the courage to say and do things most people are normally too polite to say but are thinking. Like in Canada, we are all so polite all the time that after a while it just feels ingenuine and to be honest somtime I just want to browse without a million people asking “If they can help me”. In Paris people just live and go about their bussiness and it just feels like a city that knows how to live. I have been treated fairly good, excellent and poorly but I always enjoy any interaction with the Parisians cause even if its bad I feel connected a little bit. Its all about your outlook.
Basically, people will behave the way they have been conditioned to behave and when they dont want to see another point of view it is their loss, and we cant change the way they look at things but we can change the way we look at them. Most often I just feel bad for those “who are always right,” because they spend so much time argueing that they are right that they often miss a change to learn something new. And gaining more knowledge is not such a bad thing, at any age!!!
I really enjoyed reading this post. It seems when we get a negative impression of a place, person or even a group of people it can be really hard to shake it off. My friend had the same attitude about Paris that you originally did. I didn't find that to be the case, although I was only there for a day. I think one's own perception can cloud how we see others, a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Good for you for deciding to break that habit, it's not something that everyone would even try to do. You mentioned going to Quebec as well. I'm from Alberta and here there's an attitude here that everyone from eastern Canada is rude and arrogant (usually just applied for Ontario and Quebec – not so much for the Atlantic Provinces). I haven't been to Quebec, but the people I've met from there have all been very nice. And the western Canada perception that had been ingrained into me about Ontario was shattered when I went to Toronto and had a lovely time and met wonderful people. I think no matter where you go you'll find people who are friendly and nice, and others who maybe are a bit rude. But perhaps like the example you gave, there's a reason for why they appear that way. I work at a hotel and the customer is always right attitude can bother me, especially when the customer is being rude or blaming me for something out of my control. It's always a good idea to try and relate to the other's point of view, no matter what side of the counter you're on. Things could turn out good like it did for you.
Thanks for the comments Linda
It's definitely an interesting part of their culture and I'm glad I finally appreciate it!
Thanks Alouise! Seeing things from the other point of view is important, and I'm sure those in the service industry in English speaking countries would wish they were treated more like people as they are in France, even if the customer suffers a little because of it.
When abroad, the French do complain when they get treated badly though!
Wow, what an EXCELLENT article!!! I couldn't agree more with what you've expressed. People definitely need to change their “filter.” Can't wait to read more of your posts.
Thanks for your comments Ali! If you make it to Berlin over the next 3 months I'll be hosting and we can compare CS stories
Excellent article. All it takes to fix things is often a change of glasses/contact lenses/filter.
Culture eh? Gotta love it.
Yep, we travel for culture and yet I hear people complain about the culture of their destination all the time if it isn't watching traditional dance/music. There are social aspects at play too, that are extremely important in the destination's modern culture. Thinking outside the box helps you appreciate it better
I've loved your post!
Il est trés trés joli!
Merci Eileen
For me, it's not about being close-minded or open-minded but more about being a positive or negative thinker. I also think it's the Law of Attraction at work too. If you have an negative mindset of a place (based on stereotypes of course and others' 'stories') when you get to that place yourself you're bound to have negative experiences as that's what you're attracting.
I went to Paris 4.5 years ago for only 3 days/2 nights so I don't have a strong impression (or recollection) of the place but I don't have a single memory of a Parisian being 'rude' or unhelpful to me, yet I have LOTS of memories of nice, friendly, helpful locals. At the time I also don't remember seeing dog poo 'everywhere' I went and I have no memory of seeing any at all.
I was told by everyone that 1) Parisians are rude and that 2) dog poo is everywhere, yet I didn't experience either of these things.
I have a friend or two, who, after coming back from a vacation, will recount their stories and all I hear are the negative experiences. I find this absurd, because for me, I'm happiest when I'm on vacation and when I come back I have a billion stories to tell and they are all positive. I don't even remember the bad stuff let alone give it the time of day and tell my friends about it.
What I feel about these friends of mine and people like that is that they have a negative (or close-minded as you say) mindset so they just keep on attracting negative things and experiences into their life…
Regarding your other point, I think having worked in customer service makes it much easier to relate to the worker. I'm grateful for my many years in retail as I think I can easily relate to the worker, unlike others I know who have only ever had cushy office jobs, a lot of people have an arrogance about them that customer service workers are below them and therefore are to be treated like dirt and slaves.
It's funny when people say that Parisians (or whoever) are arrogant, because the real case is that it is probably them themselves who are arrogant!
Benny, you're not the only one who's been taken aback by Paris, but at least you didn't need therapy:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15391010/
Apparently, many Japanese tourists are so shocked by the rudeness they encounter in what they thought was the “most romantic city on earth” that they require hospitalization.
I know this is an old post, but I had to comment on it.
I know EXACTLY what you mean.
In grade school, I was a budding french speaker. I spoke with an exceptional quebecois accent for a thirteen year old, and my grammar and vocabulary was about two years better than the other grade 8s. I won the French award, and was encouraged by my French teacher to continue learning French, and visit Quebec.
So I did a month long exchange with a Quebecois girl.
I wanted to murder her from the first second I met her. Quebec was clearly Satan's playground. Everyone was surly, mean, rude, and disgusting (another kid on the exchange had a homestay father with an amputated hand. Said homestay father would, while watching tv, gnaw on the stump until saliva ran down his arm onto his pants. I think you can imagine how horrifying that would be to a kid).
The homestay daughter was two years younger than me (a big deal at 13), refused to speak a word of english, and nothing was ever good enough for her. She was a cranky little bitch and I hoped she'd choke and die. All the english kids quickly learned to speak in shakespearean english so they couldn't follow our conversations and rat us out to the counselors, it was that bad.
I seriously hated Quebec, Quebecois and all French people after that trip. I gave up on French completely. The only solution to the evilness around me was clearly napalm, proton weapons, and a good deal of salt raked into the ground.
I went to Montreal last year, and had a wonderful time. Quebec is a beautiful place. What I learned was that it was not really a French/English cultural clash that we experienced, but a city dwelling/extremely rural community clash, further exacerbated by poor matching and 13 year olds general ineptness at being tolerable human beings. I'll be living just over the border in Quebec next year to finish up my degree.
It's amazing what returning with a fresh, open mind can do, isn't it?
We do say that “le client est roi”. But you know what we do to kings…
As a Paris-born Frenchman I felt slightly uneasy with the past comments about Parisians (although hating Parisians is something like a French national sport anyway), so saying that I liked this post is an understatement. (It also reminds me of the stories about Sao Paulo that you heard in Rio.)
I find your example particularly eloquent too. With a few words, you changed your status from zillionth customer to fellow human being.
Another interesting example : http://www.bonjourmadameblog.com/searching-for-...
Amazing article!
Suppose you're in London and a Russian speaks to you only in Russian and expects you to react as if you are Russian. How would you react? Probably you'd think or say “Get stuffed!” to him. Naturally, he would think you were arrogant and dismissive. Does this sound familiar?
As an Australian tourist in Paris several times, and in other French-speaking areas such as New Caledonia in the Pacific, I have never once been treated arrogantly or dismissively by any French person. In fact quite the contrary, most French people seem to go out their way to help me, from the lady at the newsagency in the Gare de Lyon warning me to not leave my suitcase unattended, the receptionist at my 3-star hotel and the man in the Cambio at Charles de Gaulle airport organising together to return to me my lost passport and travellers cheques. On another trip my wife and I were invited to the opening of a new cafe and then to dinner at the home of people we had met at that cafe opening.
My French pronunciation is atrocious. One French guy said to me “My God, where did you learn your French?” But I keep trying. And so I am sometimes answered in English, sometimes in French patiently repeated slowly and often until I understand, and sometimes I am given a good-natured pronunciation lesson. The thing is, it generally doesn't matter how bad your French is, as long as you attempt to do it. And another great thing is to smile a lot. (As you say, be positive rather than negative.)
I found that to learn French (or any non-English language), it was better to immerse yourself without any opportunity to fall back to English. Travel alone. That way you start to think in French. I once found myself thinking “Merde!” instead of the English equivalent after only a couple of days in Paris.
Having spent an academic year in France (in Poitiers) I came away with an enormously negative view of the people in that particular place. I didn't really have a negative view of the French before I lived there, and visiting France I had always found people friendly and helpful (even in Paris!) because I speak good French. I can say, however, that I spent a year in Poitiers (which, to give a frame of reference, is a town of almost 90,000 inhabitants, of which 27,000 are university students) with people literally pointing and staring at me in the street because I have dreadlocks and 3 facial piercings. Openly laughing at me. Adults slowing their cars down to stare at me on the street and point at me out of their windows. Girls my age, in particular, looked down their noses at me almost any time I had an interaction with them (I am a girl). I wouldn't want to generalise about the French as a whole, or even about all the inhabitants of that town, but I felt so astonishingly unwelcome almost everywhere I went that I spent my whole time hanging out with other ex-pats from various countries and hardly got a chance to speak French with native speakers because they were rude to me before I even opened my mouth. I would love to go back to France and stay in another, friendlier, place to perfect my French, but the experience has soured me on the French for a while and that saddens me.
Se não se importa, vou escrever em portugues pq vi que vc é fluente.
Estou gostando muito do passeio pelo seu site, vejo que tens uma sabedoria
antropológica muito grande…mais uma vez, parabéns. Estou impressionada.
Infelizmente fiquei poucos dias em Paris então saí apenas com minhas impressões,
ser um estrangeiro nos deixa em uma posição vulnerável e as vezes não temos
a coragem de tentar nos aproximar. Mas realmente, a primeira vista em Paris, isso
é dificil! fico feliz que conseguiu algo depois desse tempo…eles não fazem a minima
questão de ser legais com os estrangeiros. O máximo que consegui foi que fossem
indiferentes. Parece que estão na defensiva sempre. Mas muito boas lições!
Oh dear, how eye-opening (well, on my end, that is). Reading about your rapid change of heart towards the Parisians has forced me to try and radically alter my negative views of the Chinese.
Don't get me wrong — I am a part Indo-Chinese part- Hong Kee girl, yet I don't speak Mandarin, and for a long time, never had any intention to. I have had (forced) formal lessons in Mandarin for the past 6 years, with no progression. Looking back, it was primarily because this the necessity to learn this language has been drilled into me since birth. I am the type of person who resists anything that is forced unto her. The fact that my parents are literally forcing me to learn the language, and coupled with my principles and beliefs that clashed with my relatives' ones in Hong Kong have all contributed to making me hate the language. Other little factors, like my father taking me to literally every single part of China, and my hate of busy cities with large crowds have aided in fueling my loathing.
But now, I shall try to discard my self-drilled stereotypes of the Chinese and try to learn the language for real. It is very strange, because I happen to be a person who loves cultures and languages (I also aspire to be a polyglot in the far, far-off future), and being already bilingual myself, there shouldn't be any reason why my Mandarin-learning is being hindered. Now I realise that it is all because of the barriers that I have placed onto myself.
/runs off while I attempt to speak to the Chinese people in my country/
By the way, why don't you try learning south-east asian languages? Indonesian is extremely easy to learn (no tenses, no genders, easy pronunciation) and very very simple to pick up. Locals in Indonesia will only be too willing to help and will be more than delighted to witness your attempts in Indonesian, and offer suggestions. Although Indonesian and Malay are mutually intelligible, Indonesian has a far better accent (heavy with rolled r's and expressive sounds) so it's worth a try!
There is no reason why you shouldn't be fluent in it by 2 months!