Why Everyday Customs Can Feel Strange Abroad

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One reason I travel so much is that I find everyday cultural differences fascinating. A greeting, a restaurant meal or a hotel check-in can feel natural to one person and confusing to another.

That does not mean a whole country behaves in one way. Region, age, class, personality and the situation all matter. The useful question is not “Why are these people so weird?” but “What expectation have I brought with me, and what might I be missing?”

Here are a few encounters that helped me notice my own assumptions, followed by a practical way to adjust without copying behaviour you dislike or crossing anyone’s boundaries.

A note from the Fluent in 3 Months team before we get started: You can chat away with a native speaker for at least 15 minutes with the “Fluent in 3 Months” method. All it takes is 90 days. Tap this link to find out more.

The same hotel service can feel attentive or absent

My friend Derek Sivers once told me about an Indian businessman who stayed at a hotel in Helsinki. He was used to hotel staff greeting guests, handling bags and guiding them to their rooms. In Helsinki, he checked in at a quiet desk and found the room himself. What another guest might call efficient or private felt to him like a worrying lack of hospitality.

I recognised the mismatch from my own arrival at a hotel in Mumbai. It was about 23:00 and I was exhausted after flying from Indonesia. An attendant gave me a full tour of the room and explained the phone. I knew he was helping, but in that moment I wanted sleep and found the attention overwhelming.

A similar inventory happened in a rented room in Singapore, right down to the forks and curtain ties. Because I was not jet-lagged that time, I could take it in good humour. My reaction changed with my energy level, even before considering culture.

The practical response would have been simple: thank the attendant, then say clearly that I was tired and ask whether we could skip the tour. Cultural curiosity does not require silently enduring an interaction. A polite boundary gives the other person useful information too.

Restaurant expectations are local, not universal

I once ate with an American traveller who greeted restaurant staff with an enthusiastic “How are you?” She had noticed puzzled reactions in parts of Europe. In her experience it was a friendly greeting; some of the people she met seemed to hear it as a personal question from a stranger. Neither interpretation was universal, and neither side intended offence.

I have had the reverse problem. My direct emails have sometimes sounded harsher to American colleagues than I intended. After one almost damaged an important business relationship, I began asking an American teammate to check messages when the tone mattered. That was not about pretending to be American. It was feedback showing that my intention and the reader’s experience did not match.

Directness also varies between individuals and settings. If someone asks you not to take photos in a café, the request can be reasonable even if the wording feels abrupt. Respect the boundary first. If the meaning is unclear, ask a short clarifying question rather than assigning a national character to the speaker.

Learn the local rhythm before judging the service

Restaurant service taught me another useful lesson. In some places I have had to signal when I wanted to order or pay. In others, staff checked on the table often and brought the bill quickly. I used to read those patterns as neglect on one side and pressure on the other.

Now I watch what other customers do, check whether there is a stated policy and ask when I need something. A simple “Should I come to the counter to pay?” is more reliable than assuming the staff are rude. Tipping, photography, queueing and how long a table is yours can all vary by venue as well as by place, so current local guidance beats a sweeping rule.

The meaning of a signal depends on context

Derek also recalled speaking with a programmer from Bangalore about traffic noise. Derek found frequent horn use striking. The programmer, on his first visit to Chicago, found the relative quiet eerie. That contrast does not establish a rule for India or the United States. It shows why a familiar signal can carry different practical and emotional meanings in a new setting.

Road safety is not the place to imitate local behaviour experimentally. Follow the law, pay attention to professional guidance and let a qualified local driver handle conditions you do not understand.

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Years of travel have made me less certain that my first interpretation is the right one. When something feels rude, strange or excessive, I try this:

• Describe what happened without turning it into a claim about an entire people.
• Notice your own expectation and how tired, stressed or rushed you are.
• Ask a local person or the person involved what is expected in that setting.
• Respect consent, privacy and stated rules before treating the moment as a cultural experiment.
• Adapt when it helps communication, but keep a clear boundary when something feels unsafe or unwelcome.

You do not need a verdict about which culture is right. Curiosity, a specific question and a little humility usually get you further.