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Ask WHY first (not how/what): the most important issue ignored in language learning

| 34 comments | Category: positive mentality

In years of constantly comparing the many successful vs unsuccessful language learners to see what really makes them different, I can share another huge realisation with you today.

Many of the major questions most people start asking themselves in language learning are, in my opinion, things that should be coming much later in the priority of most important questions.

You may first ask:

Which course material is best? Is Rosetta Stone better than Pimsleur? Should I learn grammar first or later? How do I find the time to learn? Is my language too hard? What if people laugh at me when I make mistakes?

Many of these are important things to consider, but they aren’t dealing with what I am finding really separates successful and unsuccessful language learners:

Why are you learning this language?

Before you jump out with a snappy answer, I need to explain this “why” in better context. Those of you who watch TED talks will perhaps have already seen this video some time ago. I stumbled upon it again recently and started thinking how relevant it is to language learning.

The video is actually aimed at businesses (“people don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it”) and trying to inspire leaders, but a lot of the advice and the examples (Wright brothers, Martin Luther King Jr.) are applicable to so many fields. Check it out:

[RSS/email subscribers please click through to the site to see this]

Basically, in modern society people always tend ask the What and How questions first. They feel they are more important than any other question.

And yet those who really make a difference ask why first and then go on to figure out the best what and how to get back to that why, which is always central.

Focus on the why in your language learning and other projects

With languages; “What do I learn?” (material) and “How do I learn it?” (plan of action) are always the first questions people seem to ask. So the big questions tend to be like those I’ve listed above.

This is flawed focus in my opinion. These practical questions are simply consequential for me and many other successful learners. When people are so focused on these questions then experience tells me that their progress will be slowed down dramatically.

The most successful language learners that I keep coming across, regardless of age, natural talent, riches etc. think about why they are learning the language more than anything. The one thing we all share is passion. You don’t need to learn a language exactly like I do or what some other successful learner does to be successful. Almost any method can work if your focus is right.

If the answer to “why” for you is something quantifiable or superficial, like get a better job, be able to chat up Brazilian girls, impress people, pass an exam, etc. then there is no real “why“. All you are interested in is consequences. Actually using the language is irrelevant; these results are what you are truly “passionate” about.

This is one reason a lot of us never learn languages in school. There’s no real drive to. Good teachers inspire passion for the language, not explain conjugations better than others.

Why = unquantifiable passion

My reason for learning languages, as I keep mentioning, is communication and cultural discovery. This isn’t something that I can really quantify or measure.

It’s not something that someone can do better or worse than me (and so, using measurements like “number of words I know” as your basis of comparison is lost on me entirely as incredibly irrelevant). It’s more of a gut feeling that I know it’s what I want.

Speaking foreign languages enriches my life in the friendships I’ll make and experiences I’ll have (why I do it), so from here then I will look at the hows and whats that will get me to my goal quickest, and formulate my own particular plan.

I’m very practical in how I do it, but because my end uses are clear, I will learn for those uses instead of some vague general “perfectly master every single aspect of the language” which actually means nothing.

Some people have different passions (writing, reading, enjoying plays etc.) and that’s fine; they’ll find methods that work for them supported on that passion. This is another reason why there can’t be one way to learn a language. I can only suggest what I personally feel works best for speaking-focused passion, and some people need to be honest about if that’s what they really want.

Stop focusing so much on your hows and whats and start thinking more about why you are learning the language. That drive will bring you to find your resulting best hows and whats with that end in mind. If there is no strong passion that you always refer back to as the core of what you are doing, then all you are doing is studying a bunch of grammar rules and vocabulary tables.

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Thoughts on this? Disagree? Or what’s your “why” in learning your target language? Let us know in the comments!

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Comments: If you liked this post or have anything to say, please leave a comment! I love reading them :) You don’t even have to write in English! I will reply to all comments in any language listed on the right with the flags.
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But that’s not you, so don’t worry! Can’t wait to see what you have to write… don’t be shy!! :)


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  • Andogigi

    Another great entry, Benny, and you hit the nail right on the head.  If  start a new language and don’ t discover a passion for it within 2-3 weeks, I drop it and find another language I’m passionate about.  I’ve had much more success that way. 

    • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

      Me too! I usually give it 2-3 months though :-P

  • http://twitter.com/ukuleleface Dean

    I’ve been considering learning Norwegian for some time now, simply because it makes me weak at the knees when I hear it. ( And It’s impossible to sound unhappy in Norwegian) :P

    Aside from this, I tend to pick up languages for a couple of weeks, get bored and move to the next. Maybe I should take your advice to heart, Benny. There’s only one basic reason for me learning Norwegian, but I can list several for a couple of other languages I’ve neglected and swept under the rug.Great post, and good luck with your Dutch mission! :)

    • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

       Thanks! Best of luck in Norwegian!!

  • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

    This is yet another time when I agree wholeheartedly with Khatz!
    Great idea to use Japanese subtitles while watching!!
    Thanks for the great comment :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/stealthanugrah Fiel Mahatma Sahir

     Frikkin amazing/great post Benny! 

    I learned French without realizing I was learning French. You know when you do things consistently and then at the end you realize how much you’ve improved and learned, like when you just keep doing it? I learned French through watching movies, listening to songs, and of course speaking with people, I kept doing it and now I’m pretty far ahead. Being an innocent frehsman in HS, I took my French too seriously (which was 100% good) I mean I didn’t learn French in HS, but I learned it myself and wow… I guess I can say I liked the sound of the language and I wanted to communicate with the French. Pretty shallow, but when it comes to Spanish and Indonesian my motivations are different. 
    I told myself as a child I wanted to learn Indonesian, because on one ride from the beach with family friends, everyone was cracking jokes, and I couldn’t understand them, and when they were explained to me, they weren’t as funny. Plus I wanted to connect with my culture and family. I’ve always been a culture/geography/history/language freak lolol, 

    Currently I’m learning Spanish, reason? To understand Flamenco music better the lyrics are beautiful when you understand them. Not to mention it’s a nice and easy language, the more I learn the more I discover it’s beauty. It’s astounding how some phrases are as if I’m speaking English like Tengo que, estoy preparando and such. To sum, I’m looking to building friendships and basically everything else that you’re doing Benny, no diff to say the least. People light up when you speak their language, not to mention do you break not ice, but an iceberg when you do it, it’s amazing watching people’s faces. 

    • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

       Glad you liked it Fiel! :)

       Great reasons!! :D Keep up the good work!

  • http://twitter.com/disposablehomes Ivy J.

     I find this a little too evangelistic. In my opinion, it’s not as important WHAT your motivation is, but HOW GREAT it is. Say, maybe you’re learning Italian just because you want to impress that Milan girl at work. If your crush on her is bad enough, I’m pretty sure this would motivate you ;) Of course some reasons are nobler than others, but in my opinion the intensity of your wish is what matters most.

    • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

      If your crush on her is bad enough (i.e. you don’t simply want to get laid, but want to marry her enough to genuinely want to learn her language), then I’d argue that’s actually a strong *why* motivator of genuine motivation.
      If you intensify a superficial reason, it no longer becomes superficial. What becomes why.

  • http://howlearnspanish.com/ Andrew

    Loved the video–also, for anyone else who got fed up with that rotating thing in the middle of the screen that wouldn’t go away, click “share” and then find the direct link (for e-mail, etc.) then copy that and paste it into the URL bar in a new tab. 

    It’s been done to death, but you’re very right: why is the most important thing, motivation matters more than anything else.  I forget who said it, but I always liked the saying “Figure out the why first, then the how will take care of itself.” or something to that effect.

    Cheers,
    Andrew

    • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

      I didn’t see the rotating thing; it may be due to a slow connection.

  • http://www.facebook.com/prfusa Sharon At Prf

    Easing communication and cultural discovery are great reasons to learn languages, Benny, and the only real motivator, IMO. I was inspired to start learning German because I wanted to communicate better with some new friends. When we lost touch, the impetus weakened,  though not before I acquired fluency in the basics. :)

  • gavin lamb

    Hey Benny, 

  • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

    Well apart from the Language Hacking Guide (which is pretty much all about how), I’d suggest you try couchsurfing.org meetup.com livemocha.com and various other sites to get in touch with native Dutch speakers NOW. Speak the language immediately, go through that frustrating stage of not knowing basic words etc. BEFORE you travel, so you hit the ground running and can immediately do things in Dutch, even basically when in Belgium.

    Otherwise there is a danger that you will arrive, speak a lot of English, form a social circle that way and never truly get immersed. It happens to too many people; so work hard and intensively until September!!

    I’ll have more info on Dutch (the language) and my experience in Amsterdam in other posts.

  • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

    Glad to see it applied in the learning process!

  • http://www.facebook.com/stealthanugrah Fiel Mahatma Sahir

    Benny, ever since I read this last week, I’ve started rethinking everything I’ve been doing from Scholarship essays to how I choose to present myself, and I continuously think about it throughout the day, how to answer why. 

    Thanks a lot Benny, I’m just waiting to see the fruits of answer the question why haha 

    • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

      That’s why I had to share it, the video really is relevant to many different fields! :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/robcrichards Rob Richards

    Benny,
    I love your stuff but I hate this video.   I believe that the “why” is important question to ask but “why” is also an evolving question IMHO.  A relevant language learning example – Richard Feynman learned Portuguese, why did he pick Portuguese? In his biography, “Surely You Are Joking, Mr. Feynman”, the answer is a hot chick.  This was enough of a why to get him started, what kept him interested? Who knows?  Fundamentally I don’t believe it can be answered, because he certainly didn’t learn Portuguese so he could criticize Brazilian teaching methods in their native tongue.

    So why is this guy a bit of a douche? 1) he is the type of guy who says “the peninsula” and “grok” because he heard someone else say it and 2) this guy doesn’t include two important groups in his analysis – those that succeeded in spite of not using his formula and those that failed using his formula (of course there are those that failed not using his formula but meh).

    I am not knowledgeable about the particulars of Apple or the leadership of the US civil rights movement enough to comment but the Wright brothers not only had passion they had a fundamentally different approach to powered flight that put them about 10 years ahead of anybody else. 

    • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

      Hey Rob! Glad you liked the blog!

      But I’m not sure where all the frustration towards this guy is coming from? How exactly is he a douche? He’s trying to make a point using strong and convincing examples. When I get my 20 minutes on TED you can bet I won’t be wasting half the talk discouraging people. The purpose of the talk is to present an interesting idea. I’m sure in other more lengthy discourses he would go through people who attempted to focus on why and how it may not have worked out for them.

      I’d say the Wright brothers’ passion is precisely why they had a different approach that put them 10 years ahead. Their interesting ideas would have been useless had they given up after just a few crashes.

      • http://www.facebook.com/robcrichards Rob Richards

        Benny,

        I look forward to your TED talk.

        My criticism of him as a person was ad homonim and perhaps off base. 

        My criticism of his talk is that it isn’t scientific, it is sales. To make it scientific wouldn’t take up much of the speech time but it would probably doubled or tripled his research time, and shifted the focus from historical examples to repeatable results.  (Frankly, historical examples can be used to prove almost anything.)  Assuming, of course, the research on “asking why” as part of a mission statement has been done at all.  

        It wouldn’t necessarily be hard – take students starting out in a course, say Italian 101, put half in a group where they write a two page essay about whatever they want and have the second group write two pages about why they like Italy and want to learn the language. Then have each group write a second essay about the same topic again at the end of the class. If my theory holds there will be no significant difference between the two essay groups in average and mean performance in the class but the content of the essay of the experimental group will have changed  between the beginning and end of the semester as coming in contact with the material changes and informs the why (and the methods for that matter).  Also there wouldn’t be more from one group or the other going forward to Italian 102. 

        So unfortunately for you, you now know what I want to see in your TED talk – research in language study and acquisition or at least something  along the lines of Malcolm Gladwell, Daniel Pink, and Ira Flatow. Oh and you need to keep up the blog too.
        Cheers

        • http://www.fluentin3months.com/ Benny the Irish polyglot

          Criticising a TED talk, which is given to an audience of laymen (the reason it spreads so quickly online) for not being presented in the style of a scientific thesis is silly. It would be wasting time in getting a message across in the most efficient way possible if it was clouded in jargon and pedantic arguments to convince the most cynical sceptics. He has a message and he shared it well. For more research, as him outside of a TED talk.

          Your test is terrible, I’m sorry but “get them to write about why they like Italy” is the most superficial way I can imagine to inspire reason in people. It’s deeper than handing someone a pen and paper and the fact that you think it’s so superficial just proves to me that talks like this need to be spread more. I agree with you that there will be no significant difference between the two groups, but I’ll add that I think you are simplifying everything way too much.

          I can guarantee you I will not be talking linguistics if I ever give a TED talk. I’m not a linguist and I will NOT be presenting a thesis to a scientific journal.

          • http://www.facebook.com/robcrichards Rob Richards

            Benny,

            First of all, I respect your blog and I respect what you do.  I bought your book and have been inspired by the techniques you present.  I am also not trying to troll here.
            My summary of Simon’s TED talk: These three people were successful because they followed this path.  What other evidence, than success, is presented by Simon to support his thesis that they followed this path?  I don’t buy the argument that providing further supporting evidence would  not be germane to the TED format (or a negative example is necessarily de-energizing).  I like the idea that the evidence could be in the form of a controlled study, but it does not have to be.For what it is worth I think you need passion, I think you need technique, I think you need time and I think you need analysis of the above at regular intervals (can I have my TED talk now?).   Rob

          • http://www.facebook.com/robcrichards Rob Richards

            Benny,

            First of all, I respect your blog and I respect what you do.  I bought your book and have been inspired by the techniques you present.  I am also not trying to troll here.
            My summary of Simon’s TED talk: These three people were successful because they followed this path.  What other evidence, than success, is presented by Simon to support his thesis that they followed this path?  I don’t buy the argument that providing further supporting evidence would  not be germane to the TED format (or a negative example is necessarily de-energizing).  I like the idea that the evidence could be in the form of a controlled study, but it does not have to be.For what it is worth I think you need passion, I think you need technique, I think you need time and I think you need analysis of the above at regular intervals (can I have my TED talk now?).   Rob

          • http://www.facebook.com/robcrichards Rob Richards

            Benny,

            First of all, I respect your blog and I respect what you do.  I bought your book and have been inspired by the techniques you present.  I am also not trying to troll here.
            My summary of Simon’s TED talk: These three people were successful because they followed this path.  What other evidence, than success, is presented by Simon to support his thesis that they followed this path?  I don’t buy the argument that providing further supporting evidence would  not be germane to the TED format (or a negative example is necessarily de-energizing).  I like the idea that the evidence could be in the form of a controlled study, but it does not have to be.For what it is worth I think you need passion, I think you need technique, I think you need time and I think you need analysis of the above at regular intervals (can I have my TED talk now?).   Rob

  • http://twitter.com/JanasAdventures Jana Fadness

    Wow, excellent post! I’ve studied several languages, but the only ones I’ve been able to become really good at are the ones I’m passionate about. The ones I just love for some reason I can’t really grasp or explain. (It’s like having a crush on someone. You never really know why you like the person; you just do.) All languages are interesting to me, but I’ve had to learn not to push myself too hard with the ones that aren’t really “meant to be”.

  • http://twitter.com/JanasAdventures Jana Fadness

    Wow, excellent post! I’ve studied several languages, but the only ones I’ve been able to become really good at are the ones I’m passionate about. The ones I just love for some reason I can’t really grasp or explain. (It’s like having a crush on someone. You never really know why you like the person; you just do.) All languages are interesting to me, but I’ve had to learn not to push myself too hard with the ones that aren’t really “meant to be”.

  • http://twitter.com/JanasAdventures Jana Fadness

    Wow, excellent post! I’ve studied several languages, but the only ones I’ve been able to become really good at are the ones I’m passionate about. The ones I just love for some reason I can’t really grasp or explain. (It’s like having a crush on someone. You never really know why you like the person; you just do.) All languages are interesting to me, but I’ve had to learn not to push myself too hard with the ones that aren’t really “meant to be”.

  • http://twitter.com/JanasAdventures Jana Fadness

    Wow, excellent post! I’ve studied several languages, but the only ones I’ve been able to become really good at are the ones I’m passionate about. The ones I just love for some reason I can’t really grasp or explain. (It’s like having a crush on someone. You never really know why you like the person; you just do.) All languages are interesting to me, but I’ve had to learn not to push myself too hard with the ones that aren’t really “meant to be”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/abbyferrari Abby Ferrari

    I’m following Benny’s advice: I’m taking one language at a time. But I can’t decide which will be my next language, if French, Portuguese or Arabic… My “why” on all three of them is basically culture, but while I love how French and Portuguese sound like, and I love the music and the films in those languages, what I love about Arabic itself is its caligraphy. So I guess actual practice and the “mission” would be different for each language too. For now I’m going to focus on English, and then design some schemes to travel around the world and THEN, depending on where I got to go, choose a language. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/abbyferrari Abby Ferrari

    I’m following Benny’s advice: I’m taking one language at a time. But I can’t decide which will be my next language, if French, Portuguese or Arabic… My “why” on all three of them is basically culture, but while I love how French and Portuguese sound like, and I love the music and the films in those languages, what I love about Arabic itself is its caligraphy. So I guess actual practice and the “mission” would be different for each language too. For now I’m going to focus on English, and then design some schemes to travel around the world and THEN, depending on where I got to go, choose a language. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/abbyferrari Abby Ferrari

    I’m following Benny’s advice: I’m taking one language at a time. But I can’t decide which will be my next language, if French, Portuguese or Arabic… My “why” on all three of them is basically culture, but while I love how French and Portuguese sound like, and I love the music and the films in those languages, what I love about Arabic itself is its caligraphy. So I guess actual practice and the “mission” would be different for each language too. For now I’m going to focus on English, and then design some schemes to travel around the world and THEN, depending on where I got to go, choose a language. 

  • http://profiles.google.com/lehcyfer Leszek Cyfer

    There’s a great method – I first heard it from Brian Tracy – of cutting right through to the heart of your why. Basically you have to get a sheet of paper and write down 20 reasons why.

    The first 5 or six will be easy – these are superficial ones – those that sound good. getting to 15 will be hard, and the last answers will be like banging head on the wall. But it’s those last answers that dig so deep that they uncover the reasons that move you the most. And those answers will give you access to passion.

    My home language is Polish. I learned English because one day at my friend 18th birthday party I was looking through his books and a guy sit there and casually read a book – quite fast at that. Finally I asked him – it happened to be brother of my friend – what does he read and he has shown me an english book. I was flabbergasted – I love reading and I wanted to be able to read english books as easy as polish ones – I reasoned that practically all books on earth get translated to english and I will be able to read any book I’d want. I bought pass in British Library and went through books there looking for a book that would interest me. Funnily enough I found a book about deep underwater archaeology. It was many years before Titanic was found – and I learned later that Ballard was inspired by this book too.

    Most words from the first page I had to look in dictionary – I wrote them down in a notebook and then looked for each through a thick dictionary book. It was like banging head on a wall – now with internet it’s so easy to find the meaning of words :) Witheach page the re were less and less words I had to look up. After first 30 or 40 pages I started to read the book everywhere I went – if I didn’t know a word I tried to understand it from the context. I read faster and faster and was really proud and moved when I read it through. A year later I had an opportunity to go to London on 3 week summer language school. After that I stayed in England to the end of 3month vacation – working to fund my stay, and – very fortunately – I had almost no contact with Polish language. By the second month I started to think in english (though with errors :P ) I’ve read first two books of Thrawn Star Wars trilogy in three days.

    Before I went to England I had trouble with english in school – after I came back it was a breeze :)

    Sorry for rambling. Greetings from Poland
    Leszek Cyfer

  • http://profiles.google.com/lehcyfer Leszek Cyfer

    There’s a great method – I first heard it from Brian Tracy – of cutting right through to the heart of your why. Basically you have to get a sheet of paper and write down 20 reasons why.

    The first 5 or six will be easy – these are superficial ones – those that sound good. getting to 15 will be hard, and the last answers will be like banging head on the wall. But it’s those last answers that dig so deep that they uncover the reasons that move you the most. And those answers will give you access to passion.

    My home language is Polish. I learned English because one day at my friend 18th birthday party I was looking through his books and a guy sit there and casually read a book – quite fast at that. Finally I asked him – it happened to be brother of my friend – what does he read and he has shown me an english book. I was flabbergasted – I love reading and I wanted to be able to read english books as easy as polish ones – I reasoned that practically all books on earth get translated to english and I will be able to read any book I’d want. I bought pass in British Library and went through books there looking for a book that would interest me. Funnily enough I found a book about deep underwater archaeology. It was many years before Titanic was found – and I learned later that Ballard was inspired by this book too.

    Most words from the first page I had to look in dictionary – I wrote them down in a notebook and then looked for each through a thick dictionary book. It was like banging head on a wall – now with internet it’s so easy to find the meaning of words :) Witheach page the re were less and less words I had to look up. After first 30 or 40 pages I started to read the book everywhere I went – if I didn’t know a word I tried to understand it from the context. I read faster and faster and was really proud and moved when I read it through. A year later I had an opportunity to go to London on 3 week summer language school. After that I stayed in England to the end of 3month vacation – working to fund my stay, and – very fortunately – I had almost no contact with Polish language. By the second month I started to think in english (though with errors :P ) I’ve read first two books of Thrawn Star Wars trilogy in three days.

    Before I went to England I had trouble with english in school – after I came back it was a breeze :)

    Sorry for rambling. Greetings from Poland
    Leszek Cyfer

  • http://profiles.google.com/lehcyfer Leszek Cyfer

    There’s a great method – I first heard it from Brian Tracy – of cutting right through to the heart of your why. Basically you have to get a sheet of paper and write down 20 reasons why.

    The first 5 or six will be easy – these are superficial ones – those that sound good. getting to 15 will be hard, and the last answers will be like banging head on the wall. But it’s those last answers that dig so deep that they uncover the reasons that move you the most. And those answers will give you access to passion.

    My home language is Polish. I learned English because one day at my friend 18th birthday party I was looking through his books and a guy sit there and casually read a book – quite fast at that. Finally I asked him – it happened to be brother of my friend – what does he read and he has shown me an english book. I was flabbergasted – I love reading and I wanted to be able to read english books as easy as polish ones – I reasoned that practically all books on earth get translated to english and I will be able to read any book I’d want. I bought pass in British Library and went through books there looking for a book that would interest me. Funnily enough I found a book about deep underwater archaeology. It was many years before Titanic was found – and I learned later that Ballard was inspired by this book too.

    Most words from the first page I had to look in dictionary – I wrote them down in a notebook and then looked for each through a thick dictionary book. It was like banging head on a wall – now with internet it’s so easy to find the meaning of words :) Witheach page the re were less and less words I had to look up. After first 30 or 40 pages I started to read the book everywhere I went – if I didn’t know a word I tried to understand it from the context. I read faster and faster and was really proud and moved when I read it through. A year later I had an opportunity to go to London on 3 week summer language school. After that I stayed in England to the end of 3month vacation – working to fund my stay, and – very fortunately – I had almost no contact with Polish language. By the second month I started to think in english (though with errors :P ) I’ve read first two books of Thrawn Star Wars trilogy in three days.

    Before I went to England I had trouble with english in school – after I came back it was a breeze :)

    Sorry for rambling. Greetings from Poland
    Leszek Cyfer